4 minute read | 12-17-2021
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get want you want, but not what you need
It's a cold winter morning and the warm blanket had her feeling cozy, not wanting to get up. She finally mustered the effort to overcome the inertia and got up, only to realize that 2021 had already come to an end. She sighhed and quietly contemplated the events of this year.
It had been a tough 2 years ever since the pandemic began. Battling mental health problems even before the pandemic, her motivation levels had dropped, discipline adversely tested and mental health had further deteriorated as despair prevailed. Despite being passionate about work, moving from the bed to her desk felt like a 10 mile hike. When tested, passion lost to depression and pressure mounted keeping her up in the nights worried about making progress. The pandemic had wrecked havoc, curbing social life, making her a homebody. Life was just a list of problems now.
As she thought about it, uncertainity plagued her mind about the next year. Is she going to progress to the next phase? Where is life going to take her next ? The apprehensions flowed freely but the answers were nowhere to be found.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
Laden with the serious thoughts, she walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. As she heated the water, she thought to herself… “I am so tired of being helpless and not being in control.” The route of despair had become all too familiar. She was going down the same path hoping to reach a different destination each time. Something needed to change. The question was what. In the past she had even considered calling it quits and changing career paths. However, running away was not in her character. She was determined to make it through one way or the other.
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth
As she pondered, the smell of chai brewing wafted, slowly driving her drowsiness away. It slowly dawned on her that in order to make it through, she needed to believe in success. Having faith that things will end well was important to stay motivated. The faith in herself to overcome the challenges and succeed was clouded by her depressed brain that only raised doubts. Reminiscing the times when she had accomplished great things, she realized that her moments of success involved her conquering tough times, pushing herself beyond her comfort zone.
The things that we desire are always slightly beyond our reach. When you hit the gym, you don't grow muscles by lifting what you already can. Your trainer adds weights till you are lifting little above your current capacity. A few days later you realize you are able to lift more. When hiking, there is a point at which each step has you panting and you feel like you can't continue. You think of the view at the top and continue putting one foot ahead of the other and before you know it you're at the summit.
When you think you can no longer go forward, when you feel like giving up.. That point right there, is the pivot for growth. That perceived finish line of failure is the turning point beyond which lies success. Push forward beyond that bogus finish line for if not, have you truly discovered your worth ? Have you seen what you truly can be and achieve ?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
She took her cup of chai and went to the patio sitting down on her usual chair to get her morning dose of sunlight. As the first sip of chai trickled down her throat, she sensed a warmth emanating from within bringing along a sense of profound clarity. She could sense that she was on to something.
She could either stay in the void of helplessness or empower herself to rise out of it. In the words of Colette Werden, It's alright if you fall down and loose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.
And I will try to fix you
This entire time she had been under the impression that she was burdened by a list of problems. The term problem is in itself very limiting and implies a level of helplessness. The reality is that we are faced with challenges. When we don't have the resources to deal with a situation we have a problem at hand. However, if we have the resources to handle the situation, we are faced with the challenge of using the resources appropriately. In life, more often than not, we are faced with challenges and not problems. Situational response clouds our mind in to thinking there's no way out, when in reality the solution is not yet obvious but exists. What's missing is our mindset of positivity to figure out a strategy.
To her, this was eye-opening. She stayed there rocking her chair and sipping her chai, letting the revelation sink in. What had been missing was her faith and hope. The faith that she would figure it all out and the hope for an abundance of success and glory. Together she was armed enough to figure out any challenge that life threw her way.
She drained her cup in one gulp, let out a long sighh and smiled. She knew that 2022 was going to be a lot different and fun. This perspective change in her consciousness was what she had been waiting for. Lights will guide her home now.
It's alright if you fall down and loose your spark.
Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.
– Colette Werden